Today we live in a society where personal happiness comes first, and people marry not to have children or serve the church and state, but to have a happy marriage.
Now people don’t want to stay in a relationship where they feel bad and uncomfortable. That’s why happiness comes first in modern marriages, and that’s why people break up. But often the relationship can be saved if the problem in the couple is understood in time.
Today, divorce has become a social norm, and the number of people ready to save a failed marriage at any cost decreases every year. According to research by sociologists, the number of divorces is increasing all over the world. Scientists analyzed data for 40 years in 84 countries of the world and came to the conclusion that the divorce rate has doubled during this time.
There are a lot of reasons for that: misunderstanding, lack of communication, or even substance abuse. If solving the last one is possible with good rehab for couples (AddictionResource can help find the right one), the other reasons are not that obvious.
In this article, we will try to understand why couples break up and how to avoid it.
Lack Of Intimacy
Lack of intimacy is the main reason people break up. This is stated in a study by Canadian scientists, which was published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.
It involved more than 4,000 adults who completed weekly relationship questionnaires. 111 people in this sample completed the study after a breakup. After analyzing the data, scientists came to the conclusion that closeness is one of the main factors in building relationships.
Relationships were likely to end in those who showed little interest in their partner and did not share anything intimate about themselves or their experiences.
Often couples break up not necessarily because they hate each other. Probably because they get used to it and begin to take each other for granted, intimacy can actually be critical to a strong relationship, so put the time and effort into it, it’s worth it.
Scientists advise looking at these conclusions more broadly. For example, what may seem close enough to one person may not be so to another. It would be interesting to see how the level of intimacy affects the decision to break up, and whether satisfaction with just one party is enough to keep the relationship alive.
Other Reasons For Breakups
Love ends. The specialist claims that infatuation and love should not be confused, because they are different. Falling in love is a passion, a strong sexual desire. It can last up to 3 years. Then each new crush is about twice as small;
People do not know how to conflict. They are afraid of conflicts, or they can turn a conflict into swearing, shouting, and arguing. But it should be understood that conflict is a constant state of the couple;
Inability to build relationships. People do not know the psychology of the opposite sex, what are the laws of relationship development – these factors increase the fact that couples break up.
Love cannot be maintained forever, only short-term relationships are built on it. And when infatuation disappears, love experiences take their place and they are built on other hormones. Love can be preserved if people know how to conflict, to establish sexual relations on other terms.
From the psychological side, you need support, but in no case do not indulge your wife or husband, categorically forbid them to take even low-alcohol drinks. The weakest drink can be the beginning of a trigger for binge drinking.
During the treatment, your control and attention are especially needed. He should not be alone. Walks only together, because there are a lot of friends on the street who will tempt him to drink for a meeting, for a wedding, etc., which threatens a new binge.
Your constant presence will become an element of discipline for your partner. The best support would be to join them at couples drug rehab. There are also a lot of drug rehabs for married couples, so you can look for the best option.
In the process of treatment in couples rehab, it is necessary to isolate your partner from the harmful environment. He needs to explain that now you should not communicate in any way with your former friends, who are actually drinking buddies.
And, of course, these are preventive conversations about the fact that they should stop drinking, otherwise, their whole life and their family will fall. But this conversation should not take place in the form of a scandal or a quarrel.
It is better if it resembles a friendly visit to a psychologist. Only in this case will you reach an understanding and together cope with the disease, which later causes drinking.
How To Fight Properly
The psychologist assures that conflict is not a bad thing, because one of the partners may have one opinion, and another may have another. The specialist advises asking yourself “how it will be better for the couple” to remove misunderstandings in the couple.
In order to maintain balance in the relationship, it is necessary to take into account your beliefs and your partner’s on the win-win principle, when both partners win during the conflict, thus the couple wins.
Relationships cannot be built without conflicts. If we solve conflicts from the position of a couple, then the relationship improves, and when a person tolerates and remains silent, then the relationship deteriorates.
If a construct is lost during the conflict, then the conflict must be reset. Stop at a certain period and, when the emotions die down, return to the conversation. It is also necessary to return emotional closeness.